One year after our failed placement

It has almost been a year since we lost our Adelaide. She is with her birth family and goes by a different name. Today is her birthday.

As many of you know, we had a failed placement in September of 2015. It was the hardest experience of our lives. It shook our faith, sent us into a pit of despair, and tested everything we claimed to know. A year after this trying time, I figured a blog post about all we have learned since then seemed appropriate.

I will never forget the phone call that turned our world upside down. We had been expecting a call from our adoption worker telling us what time to pick Adelaide up from the hospital that day. The call went very differently. We were informed that the birth mother had changed her mind about the placement and that she couldn’t go through with the adoption.

To say the call caught us off guard is a gross understatement. Our birth mother had only ever demonstrated certainty at this placement. Just two days before, right after giving birth, she told us that she didn’t feel grieved but honored that she could do this for us. We don’t know what exactly went wrong the next day and we probably never will.

This sweet baby girl will probably never know our names and she will never know how much we wanted to be her parents. She will never know how often I think of her and pray for her well being and future. It’s still hard accepting that I can’t take care of her and be everything I wanted to be for her. And I still have to give Jesus the pain that is caused because of that.

I will never understand why exactly we went through this before the Lord brought us our beautiful son. I definitely wouldn’t have chosen this loss before our incredible gain. But it did teach me that God is still all that He says He is even when my feelings scream the opposite. It did teach me that He will be my firm foundation when the storms of life come. And it did teach me to be so incredibly grateful for my miracle of a son. He is the light of my life and my angel baby. And every single day that I get to be his mother I am beyond thankful. And I have peace in that.

Happy birthday baby girl! I wish so many wonderful things for you and you will always hold a special place in our hearts and memories.

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This  is a picture of our “Adelaide” box. It has pictures and keepsakes from our journey with her.

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